I admit it

I've been completely avoiding my own blog. I mean, it's been four months since I've even written a post. I think I'm still really good at convincing myself that if I keep myself busy enough, I won't think about missing Robert. I miss my son.

Next month marks two years since Robert's death. I still can't believe that two years have passed. I would have a toddler. Robert would be running around, getting into everything. He would be following his big brother like a puppy. He would be giving big, sloppy, open mouth kisses.

My heart still aches from all that I'll never have with my son.

For the first time in over six months, I looked at the few photos that I have of Robert after I delivered him. He was so tiny and so perfect. I still can't help but to ask God, "Why?" His little urn is carefully tucked in my dresser drawer.

I've begun planning again for October 15th Raleigh, but I also know that I want to do something special in Robert's memory this year. I just don't know what?

It's easier this year than last, but it's still hard. There will always be a part of me that's missing.