tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13457222328111323032011-07-28T08:56:14.265-04:00Celebrating and grieving the life of our son, Robert Moyer ~ August 21, 2008Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.comBlogger291100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-43265463010421162012010-10-18T15:01:00.000-04:002010-10-18T15:01:36.766-04:00

Another year of October 15th Raleigh has come and gone and I'm still amazed at just how beautiful the ceremony this year really was. I have to admit that I was nervous. I was pretty overwhelmed preparing for both October 15th and Uganda and was praying that God would do the rest. And it's no surprise that He did. The presence of God was so strong that evening that people didn't want to leave. It

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-22647190499790035112010-09-04T10:31:00.001-04:002010-09-04T10:32:16.929-04:00

Dear Robert~ I can't believe how quickly two years goes by. I still miss you every day, but momma, daddy and big brother Mason are moving on; that's the way it's supposed to be. We're not supposed to live in grief. We know that you are safe and in His loving arms and I have faith in the promise that I will hold you again. We spent August 21st the best way we knew how - as a family. The three of

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-32724916616801840872010-07-21T15:12:00.000-04:002010-07-21T15:12:14.529-04:00

I've been completely avoiding my own blog. I mean, it's been four months since I've even written a post. I think I'm still really good at convincing myself that if I keep myself busy enough, I won't think about missing Robert. I miss my son. Next month marks two years since Robert's death. I still can't believe that two years have passed. I would have a toddler. Robert would be running around,

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-11765711010164545732010-03-02T14:05:00.000-05:002010-03-02T14:05:42.494-05:00

It may sound strange, but Robert's name was not always Robert. Bob and I had chosen a different name entirely for our second son. Or I should say, Bob found the name and we both fell in love with it (much like what happened with Mason's name). If you have not gone through the loss of a baby, you may not understand. But I actually know several people who have made the same choice that we did, and

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-11832880278170594632010-01-21T09:32:00.002-05:002010-01-21T09:33:23.899-05:00

I know that it's been a while since I've posted on Robert's blog. I do confess that I've been so wrapped up in dealing with this mess of secondary infertility that it's been just enough to keep my mind off of missing Robert. This month, Robert would have been one. Yes, I would have had a one year old and a 4 1/2 year old. It's so strange to think of what my life would look like if Robert were

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-85334050910487309212009-11-04T15:03:00.004-05:002010-01-01T14:45:33.398-05:00

When we think of the word surrender, it usually conjures ideas of defeat or giving up. "Surrender! Come out with your hands up!"It may imply that we're no longer going to try or simply can't do it. Webster defines one definition of surrender as: to give oneself up into the power of another. As a Christian, I constantly battle with the idea of surrender. I want God to have everything, except

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-9777380956171455442009-10-04T22:00:00.002-04:002009-10-04T22:02:52.445-04:00

As usual, we were 5 minutes late for church today. I hurriedly slipped into my seat, grabbing my bible and notebook to begin to take notes for today's sermon. When I slowed down to begin to listen to Paul, I couldn't help but notice an infant car seat in the row in front of me. A moment later, the mom pulled a beautiful, very new baby girl from the seat. She placed her over her shoulder and this

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-1125746278542348762009-10-02T11:10:00.003-04:002009-10-02T18:43:44.827-04:00

We have a DVD of photos from a session we had taken at Juno Beach, FL when Mason was nine months old. Mason was digging through our DVD's a few nights ago and insisted that we watch it as a family. As I sat watching the beautiful photos flash across the screen, I instantly realized that Robert would be the same age as Mason when those photos were taken.  I wondered how Robert may have looked

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-78363842345512068162009-09-18T14:36:00.010-04:002009-09-18T14:44:16.239-04:00

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I've organized October 15th Raleigh. I wanted a way to honor Robert's memory and our miscarriage in 2004, as well as to reach out to all the other parents who've experienced a loss through miscarriage, still birth, infant loss or ectopic pregnancy. This candle light memorial will be held on Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 7pm on the South

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-69325771087717737922009-08-29T09:30:00.007-04:002009-10-02T11:14:15.633-04:00

I still can't believe how quickly a year comes and goes. I can honestly say that my life looks pretty different than it did a year ago. Besides the obvious of going so fast from pregnant and planning a life with a new son to not pregnant and redefining what my life looks like after losing a baby. There's just no way that you can lose a baby and come out on the other side as the same person,

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-59055448554562959352009-08-05T17:45:00.007-04:002009-10-02T11:20:21.151-04:00

I was shopping at Kohl's a few days ago and ran into a teacher from the school where I did my graduate internship last year. I was working there when I became pregnant and I had not seen her since I finished last June. She immediately and enthusiastically said, "So, now you have two!" Of course I had to break the news that we had lost him. I actually handled it really well (no tears), but it's

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-13229070219990881002009-07-15T20:16:00.005-04:002009-10-02T11:20:14.064-04:00

I love the lyrics to John Waller's song, "While I'm Waiting". It really sums up so much of what I'm feeling in my life and in my heart right now. Even though the wait can feel like torture at times, it's through the waiting that we can begin to see what God really wants for us; that he begins to unveil his plan for our lives. The very act of waiting and being obedient to God is an act of

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-43438584580376653762009-07-03T08:57:00.006-04:002009-10-02T11:20:06.482-04:00

Yes, it's a part of life. People are going to have babies. And when you're in your early thirties and at the prime baby making time, everyone around you will be getting pregnant and having babies. That is, everyone but me. I know I sound a little pathetic and that I'm feeling sorry for myself, but that's because I'm feeling sorry for myself.  In the last week alone, 2 women I know have had

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-10933163682445734212009-06-19T08:22:00.009-04:002009-10-02T11:19:40.304-04:00

It's taken almost a year, but I know now that I've finally arrived at the place where the joy and blessing of potentially being pregnant again and having another baby outweighs all the pain of losing Robert or the fear of losing another baby. Of course I'll never forget what it feels like to say goodbye to my son, but I also know the pure joy of welcoming my new child into the world.  I know

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-54204773228319523342009-05-27T07:58:00.007-04:002009-10-02T11:19:09.954-04:00

I know it's been some time since I've written anything on this blog. Overall, life has been good. We're caught up in the whole TTC thing again and it's just enough to keep my mind off of other things; for a while, anyways.  It was such a blessing to celebrate Mason's 4th birthday on Monday. Celebrating with friends was fun and crazy and Mason was loving it. But it's amazing how even in the

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-32557945419275077952009-05-05T08:49:00.004-04:002009-10-02T11:18:31.028-04:00

When someone knows that you're a mom, the first, most natural question is to ask about your children. How many kids do you have? What are their names and ages? So when I'm in situation where I know I'll be meeting and talking to moms who don't know my history, I find myself scrambling to decide what I will say. If I say I have one child, then I feel like I'm letting Robert down. But if I say I

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-73394896436701027562009-04-26T14:32:00.004-04:002009-10-02T11:18:11.810-04:00

I've noticed recently how many people try to compare losses. I've heard over and over again for the last eight months from friends and other women that their own loss was not as "bad" as mine because they were only in the first trimester and didn't have to go through labor and delivery. On the other hand, I've known people to say that because I was not full-term that it wasn't as bad as "

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-77434337188641164042009-04-11T14:24:00.005-04:002009-10-02T11:17:59.359-04:00

My life and overall perspective has changed so much in the last year that sometimes I just don't know where I "fit". I've been in this world of grief and loss for almost eight months and it sets me apart from my prior life and the people in it. And while I've met new, wonderful people who share my same journey of loss, I just don't want to stay in that world forever. On the other hand, there is

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-62993053171669325872009-04-03T20:49:00.009-04:002009-10-02T11:17:38.729-04:00

Today, I'm just tired. The whole TTC thing can really start to wear on you and I could seriously see myself slipping back into a depression if I didn't watch myself. I'm also sick with a head cold and pushing myself pretty hard lately. I often find myself trying to be everything to everyone and my physical, mental and spiritual health wear thin.  Most people think I'm doing so well, which for

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-21501162009682685432009-03-28T09:28:00.007-04:002009-10-02T11:17:26.259-04:00

I have to admit that I began this blog with somewhat selfish intentions. I wanted to work through this journey of loss in order that I may find healing and peace. Little did I  know that along the way I would touch peoples lives with my story.  I'm so touched by the many e-mails, pm's and even face-to-face words of affirmation that I've received over the last month about Robert's blog. And

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-92104561894852893932009-03-18T20:44:00.006-04:002009-10-02T11:16:14.245-04:00

I'm not the only one out there who's experienced a loss or illness or some sort of tragedy. No one is promised a perfect life, devoid of pain. Life here on earth, and all that comes with it, is unavoidable. But regardless of where we've been, we make the choice of where we go from here. Are we going to let it crush us or will we come out on the other side stronger than before? Will we allow

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-57129687009473419182009-03-07T15:43:00.011-05:002009-10-02T11:16:01.940-04:00

I can't help but to miss my mom. No, my mom hasn't passed away but we have been estranged for well over a year. Which means that she never even knew that she had and lost a grandson. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and tell her, but I haven't. I remember wanting so desperately to call her the morning I delivered Robert. I was all alone in my recovery room, so

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-42812362782625868972009-02-27T19:39:00.007-05:002009-10-02T11:15:48.206-04:00

I don't believe that it's enough for me to "hope" that God has a plan for my life. That sounds too much like I'm making some random wish. I need to have faith in the promise that through seeking his will, he will reveal his purpose and plan for my life. It's so easy to get caught up in telling God what you want (and getting angry when he doesn't give it to you) instead of asking him what he wants

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-22653389851595996922009-02-25T11:02:00.006-05:002009-10-02T11:15:35.491-04:00

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-76268208801320328542009-02-25T09:03:00.008-05:002009-10-02T11:15:22.841-04:00

In the last six months, I've come to the conclusion that I know three types of people since we lost Robert. First, there are those who've experienced this kind of loss and have nothing but love and support for me and for our family. They ask me how I'm doing (even six months out --- what a novel idea), they tell me that they're praying for me, they ask me about my son. Next, there are those

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-29404918844568144532009-02-25T08:47:00.006-05:002009-10-02T11:15:10.418-04:00

With hope and fear, we are TTC again. We're on our third cycle, which is actually a  first for us (with Mason it was only one and with Robert, a matter of a few weeks). Waiting is one of the hardest parts of all of this. And then there's that disappointment when there's no BFP and only AF. Almost feels like insult to injury; to have a child die and to not get pregnant again. You can't help but to

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-43291671190051863442009-02-24T19:24:00.005-05:002009-10-02T11:14:56.932-04:00

Today was the first time in months that I looked at Robert's pictures. I've had them tucked away in the special bag that I was given at the hospital, along with his baby blanket and other mementos. When we were in the moment, I didn't want photos. Now I regret not having more. Even without them, I can still see him perfectly in my mind. Although I was almost 5 months pregnant at the time of his

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-74564740370647180062009-02-24T18:38:00.002-05:002009-06-18T08:07:40.750-04:00

I recently came across this. I love that it's so succinct in summing up how this whole journey feels. Although I relate to all of these, I've made bold the ones that really say it for me.I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never say my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1345722232811132303.post-54573273277919030442009-02-24T16:34:00.001-05:002009-04-06T20:34:54.498-04:00

And even at that, I'm going to take this slow. I've become very aware at how many moms blog to work through the grief of losing a child. I know that I will never forget Robert, but I have hope that God will help me to manage his loss.It was six months ago this weekend that we learned that our sweet Robert was gone. Grief is a funny thing (but not in the "funny ha-ha" sense). I couldn't possibly

Katyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647481260313688265noreply@blogger.com0